As corny as this sounds, it was after my first heartbreak when I started feeling as if I had no purpose in life already.
I remember, I was in grade 10 when I was first completely devastated. I was 15 back then and I really did not care much about life. I was a student-athlete and the team captain of the basketball team. I had both my parents supporting me all throughout and friends laughing with me all the time. Moreover, I also had this special person who I spent sweet and cheesy moments with. I was just a regular high school kid. Simple. But when this special person left, my whole world felt like it was falling apart. I started to feel insecure and like something is wrong with me. And when I thought this emotional torture was going to end soon, I found out that it was only the beginning. After some time, parts of my life were also shattered. When my parents fought, I would instantly become paranoid and afraid that one of them would leave. The drive that I used to have when playing the sport I love the most was suddenly not there anymore. And worst, I almost repeated grade 10 because of failing some subjects. My life just started falling apart. People would tell me to move on, bounce back, and keep on fighting, but I just could not. It is not that I did not want to or I was not trying really hard; I just really could not take it anymore. I started having negative thoughts in my head; I would overthink and worry a lot about everything. I would have a hard time sleeping at night as well. and this just became a cycle. Easily, I was able to get used to it until at some point in my life, I just felt emotionally and physically drained. This was when I literally wanted to die just to end the pain. I started to hurt myself just so that I would cry and be able to burst everything out.
More often than not, depression is not given enough attention by the people. Depression may seem like a normal episode or emotion, but it is a major disorder that can affect a person’s life to a great extent. It not only affects one’s mood for the day, but it can permanently affect how one feels, think, and behaves. Depression is a silent killer. It can make one feel hopeless and in order to successfully escape it, one should approach it with the proper mindset, which is to be positive. Surround yourself with positive people, stay in a positive environment, and find the positives in a life full of negatives.
Today, around 3 years later, I would confidently say that I am feeling a lot better. To be honest, there are still those days when I feel extremely down, but it’s alright because now, it is clear to me that it is normal to feel sad and hopeless at times. Also, what helped me get rid of negative thoughts and stopped me from overthinking and worrying is the verse Jeremiah 29:11. Everytime I get anxious, I just think of this verse and it helps me feel at ease because I know that eventually, everything will be okay. It somehow tells me that even in the midst of darkness, there is light. Maybe it’s difficult for us to see it sometimes but if we change or adjust our perspective or the way we look at things and perceive them, we will understand that indeed there is still hope even in the most hopeless situation.
Understanding Jeff 